Example for Grade 7: Narrative – Mount Everest - ID: 949

for this response.

Mount Everest

  • Purpose: Narrative
  • Grade: 7
  • ID No. 949

Student Response

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The winds volume reached a howl on the snow covered rocks surrounding us. Snow swirled in mini tornadoes and lodged itself in any open spots in our clothing. This was Everest, the tallest and most daunting mountain on earth. Many had tried to do what we were hoping to do on this massive mountain. Our challenge was to be the first people to climb to the top.

This mountain has the highest death rate of all mountains at one out of five people dying on the way up. The Hillary slope is incredibly difficult to climb and has a sixty degree slope. Our crew has more gear than most scuba divers do, and we are very heavily laden with our thirty pound backpacks. Before we even began the hike, there was enough training to make the most unfit person healthy. As my partner, Jeff, climbed the slope, he pulled on his hiking rope with the jumar holding his position on the side of the mountain. His crampons, steel studs attached to warm boots that are used to walk on ice, grated on a piece of rock due to how difficult his facemask and goggles made it for him to see.

As I climbed behind him, I noticed how many holes from other peoples ice axes there were on this section of the mountain. Jeff had hooked onto one of the two ropes that were our next choice for our route on the way up. I hooked onto the other rope. We started our monotonous climbing again, separating slowly as the two ropes led us away from eachother. Suddenly, the whole mountain shook under us. Jeff had felt the blast more than I had, and I yelled to him as he dangled from the strong rope. Just speaking made my head feel soft and dizzy. I realised that if I yelled to much, I might pass out from lack of oxygen. He yelled and said he was fine.

Then, out of nowhere, a huge chunk of ice fell from above us and ripped out the rope whe had been climbing on just 15 minutes ago. I yelled to Jeff that we should set up camp on the next outcrop that was flat enough. He stopped, pulled out his map, and checked his altimeter, a device that measures altitude from sea level. He tells me the next stoping point is 1/2 of  a mile of 53 degree climbing. Now we have begun to get into the area of the mountian where the wind blows a steady 20 knots. We listen to the wind rattling through our backpacks. It was so lonely and cold up here. But we kept on moving on our slow journey.

Now there were constant tremors rattling us and the whole slope we were on. We created a small rise and saw a huge white wall of snow sheeting towards us. Jeff yelled !!!AVALANCHE!!!  I yelled for him to unhook his harness and to come to me. Those were the last words he ever heard. He got three quarters of the way to where I was under a bend in the snow valley. At this point the sound of snow rumbling down the hillside was a mass of sound. Then Jeff disapeared as quick as he was moving. I yelled jeffffff but he was just gone. I was left sobbing on the hillside, wanting to die.