Example for Grade 7: Narrative – Mount Everest - ID: 946

for this response.

Mount Everest

  • Purpose: Narrative
  • Grade: 7
  • ID No. 946

Student Response

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The moment I grabbed on to the first rock that jutted out and began to climb was amazng. The fact that I was now starting to climb the “tallest mountain in the world” was amazing. Everything in life seemed amazing, which was obviously a lie, because then, how will you learn? Anyway, moving slowly towards the top of the mountain was exciting and very pleasureable, and although knowing that something will go wrong, it felt like that fact was distant and far away. That was two weeks ago, and the condition I was in then and now were too different. As I lifted my ice axe to pull up mysef up farther, my hand almost let go because of the ice forming around the place I’m supposed to hold on to. My heart rate that instantly sped up cooled down and I started to climb again. The process of sliding the jumar up and supporting myself was getting so repetitive it almost felt annoying, so annoying that I changed the hands that I supported myself with way too many times. The process of burning 6000 calories a day instead of 2000 claories was tiring. I sometimes laugh at myself, remembering the moment that same day I started to climb that Mount Everest was filled with snow.

It was almost 6:00 P. M., so I searched for a place to rest for the night. Siting down, I pulled out my bag of oatmeal rasin and chocolate chip cookies and a packet filled with soup. I began to boil the soup as I munched on the cookies. They tasted like what my mom made for me at home, which was almost half-way across the world. A tear almost spilled out, but I held it in. I didn’t want to take off my goggles in this cold weather!

The water began to bubble and I took out the packet that was now warm and dripping wet from the water. I cut open the pouch and drank it. Just as I was about to finish it, I heard something that wasn’t too pleasant. I looked up, hoping not to see an avalanche.

Everything happened so fast. I felt pain on my head and my right foot. The only sound I heard was the sound of tumbling snow and my screaming. Then everything was still,

I got up, very slowly because I was sure I broke my foot. The pain overwhelmed me. With tears streaming out of my face, I took out my satellite phone and contacted the camp. Helicopters came instantly, and I was saved.

Later on, back in my home, I learned that not many people survived and avalanche. That fact was scary, and I felt really honored to be saved and able to be alive. Even if that meant having a cast on your right foot for the next couple of months.

I must of been daydreaming, because my mom yelled at me so loud that I jumped out of my chair. She told me to taste her cookies. I smiled, remembering the moment on the mountain. I slowly rose up like that time I fell, and went to the kitchen where the cookies waited.