Example for Grade 7: Narrative – Mount Everest - ID: 936

for this response.

Mount Everest

  • Purpose: Narrative
  • Grade: 7
  • ID No. 936

Student Response

Scoring & Annotations

It’s currently early in the day. I get up and eat a hearty breakfast, because today is the day I climb Mt. Everest. I’ve been training for almost four years now and I’m finally physically ready. I am currently in Nepal right now staying at a fancy hotel. I check out and drive to my Sherpa, James’s house. When I get there I walk in his house. We get our gear on and off we go.

As we are driving in I can already picture myself on top of the mountain. I park the car and call for James’s brother to come pick up the car. I breathe in a shaky breath.

“Are you ready?” I asked James.

“Yeah, I am.” He responded.

We walked on the little path to the mountain. As we get there I started to shake.

“Hey calm down we’re barley there yet are you’re already shaking.” James told me.

“I-I know that I’m shaking, I think it’s the adrenaline kicking in.” I mumbled to James.

“If you don’t want to do this we don’t have to.”

” No! I want to do this I’ve been training for almost four years.” I scolded him. He stopped the arguments there and onward we went.

It’s been about almost two months. I’m exhausted and I’m sure James is too. I can feel the victory of reaching the top. I can sense that we are almost there. My muscles are aching telling me to stop, but not now. I can’t stop now.

Left foot, right foot. That’s all that is going through my head. Hours later I feel a flat surface. I start feel accomplished. Next thing you know I’m on top of Mt. Everest.