Grade 6

Narrative

Writing Extended Response

Compose Full Texts

Robots

Conventions

Development/Elaboration

Organization/Purpose

There are some run-on sentences, mostly comma splices. Examples include in paragraph 4 (&#8220;It was coming right towards him, it seemed like it was going to hit him&#8221;), and in the final paragraph (&#8220;…even just the way he walked, he flowed better&#8221;). There are also several run-ons in dialogue; however, these may be purposeful and more a matter of an attempt to sound like authentic dialogue than a lack of control of sentence conventions (e.g., paragraph 4 &#8220;It can&#8217;t hit him, he will always catch it, he&#8217;s a robot.&#8221; And then in the final paragraph &#8220;Wow, well that&#8217;s it, Marvin is a human now.&#8221;)

There are numerous punctuation errors with dialogue including incorrect punctuation before, after, or within the dialogue. As examples, there is a period instead of a comma after dialogue in paragraph 2: &#8220;&#8216;Good throw master.&#8217; said Marvin.&#8221;
In the final paragraph, there is a missing comma to introduce dialogue (&#8220;It got me thinking &#8220;I wonder if this could happen to anybodies robot.&#8221;&#8221;) and another missing comma later in that paragraph (&#8220;&#8216;…may be surprising,&#8217; it read &#8216;but this is not…'&#8221;).
There are missing commas in compound sentences at the end of paragraph 4 (&#8220;He fell to the floor and he started twitching&#8221;); another in paragraph 5 (&#8220;I wanted to do all that i could to help him so I went…&#8221;); and another at the end of the response (&#8220;It took me a couple days to get used to the idea of Marvin being human but that&#8217;s when I realized….&#8221;).
There is an error with apostrophes (&#8220;Anybodies robot&#8221; should be a possessive: &#8220;anybody’s&#8221;).
Note that the semi-colon is used both correctly and incorrectly in several places; however, the semi-colon is not a grade 6 skill, so the incorrect uses are not noted.

The student fails to capitalize “i” multiple times throughout the response.

In “That&#8217;s why he started to act different,” “different” should be “differently.”
Additionally, there is a missing preposition in “It took me a couple days to get used…” after the word “couple.”
There is also a subject-verb agreement error in “My plans for the day was just to play with Marvin…”: “was” should be “were.”

This response has no spelling errors.

The response develops the setting and a sense for what is to come (&#8220;they would be coming home to something far different&#8221;) while also establishing the narrator’s character (&#8220;I guess that’s where it all went wrong; my bad throw&#8221;).

The use of source materials is appropriate and subtle (Marvin “senses” the exterior situation in a similar way to the Google car, and the robot plays games and initially serves as a butler).

The response effectively combines explanation with dialogue. For example, the “exchange” between Marvin and the narrator (“Good throw Master”…“Thank you, and same”) moves into interior reflection (&#8220;&#8230;sometimes my throws were pretty bad. I guess that&#8217;s where it all went wrong; my bad throw. I thought it would just be another bad throw, but it wasn&#8217;t; it changed everything&#8221;). This type of development is used throughout and effectively advances the story. The response also develops the setting while foreshadowing what is to come (&#8220;they would be coming home to something far different&#8221;; &#8220;I guess that’s where it all went wrong&#8221;; &#8220;my bad throw&#8221;).

The only relative weakness in this response is with the use of general rather than precise language (e.g., &#8220;My throws were pretty bad&#8221;; &#8220;I rapidly clicked on the first thing that popped up&#8221;; &#8220;I attached the light blue instead of the dark blue. That&#8217;s why he started to act different. He started being funny and not acting so serious&#8221;). The lack of exceptional language does not interfere with the overall narration of the experience and is adequate.

The style is particularly effective. It shows the events (&#8220;&#8216;It&#8217;s OK sir, I hav-&#8216; That&#8217;s when it hit Marvin&#8221;), establishes pacing (&#8220;- It was coming right towards him, it seemed like it was going to hit him…. Everything was happening so slowly but yet so suddenly&#8221;), and overall crafts a sense of mystery.

Narrative elements are effectively integrated into a unified and sustained plot with an effectively crafted and resolved conflict: Marvin is damaged (the climax), but, after being repaired (the turning point), he comes to life.

The character of the narrator, as well as the character of both Marvin-the-robot (&#8220;&#8216;Good throw master.&#8217; said Marvin&#8221;) and Marvin-the-human (&#8220;He acted&#8230;smoother you could say&#8221;; &#8220;even just the way he walked, he flowed better&#8221;) are well-established. The setting is adequate. Of note is the effective point-of-view (a grade 7 skill): The use of inner and outer dialogue, in particular, helps show readers the narrator’s perspective (&#8220;It can&#8217;t hit him, he will always catch it, he&#8217;s a robot.&#8221; my brain told me).

Transitions are effective at showing connections (&#8220;It all started when we were playing baseball&#8221;; &#8220;That’s when it hit…&#8221;; &#8220;That&#8217;s where i made my mistake&#8221;; &#8220;There it goes&#8221;; &#8220;That’s when I realized…&#8221;).

The chronological order is logical, and effective pacing (an above-grade level skill) is maintained throughout. For example, sometimes the short sentences help establish the heightened moments (e.g., &#8220;It was coming right towards him, it seemed like it was going to hit him. &#8216;It can&#8217;t hit him, he will always catch it, he&#8217;s a robot.&#8217; my brain told me. &#8216;Watch out Marvin!&#8217; I told him&#8230;. Everything was happening so slowly but yet so suddenly&#8221;). There are no significant gaps in the narrative sequence.

The opening is very effective at establishing a sense of mystery (&#8220;it started out as a normal day…little did they know that they would be coming home to something far different than a normal robot&#8221;). The ending is somewhat simplistic, with the reader wanting to read more about what will happen next (&#8220;It took me a couple days to get used to the idea of Marvin being human but that&#8217;s when I realized; I will love Marvin no matter what happens or what he is&#8221;). But the narrator’s attachment to Marvin as a human is a [6th grade] logical extension based on the events and does provide closure.

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An annotation is the educator’s explanation of how a portion of the student’s response relates to the rubric and contributes to that trait’s score. For example, the educator might explain how the response meets the expectations of a specific score point. An annotation can also describe aspects of a student response that relate to multiple score points on the rubric to demonstrate nuance when determining a score.

Annotation

One of three traits scored for the ELA performance task full write, this trait measures a student’s ability to demonstrate command of grade-level conventions of standard English: grammar usage (including sentence formation), capitalization, punctuation, and spelling.

This trait measures students’ ability to select and integrate details that support, explain, illustrate, or develop ideas. Students should elaborate these details—that is, explain and connect them, guided by the writing purpose and audience needs.
For informative/explanatory and opinion/argumentative writing purposes, these details come from source materials.
For narrative writing, this trait is called Development/Elaboration, and students are expected to integrate and develop grade-appropriate story elements such as descriptive details and dialogue. For these tasks, events and experiences are inspired by source materials.

Evidence/Elaboration

This trait measures students’ ability to establish and sustain a focus for the writing. This focus should be consistent with the task’s designated purpose and the intended audience. Strong introductions and conclusions (or, for narrative writing, beginnings and endings) and transitions help to create coherence.

Performance tasks measure a student’s ability to demonstrate critical-thinking and problem-solving skills by challenging students to apply their knowledge and skills to complex, real-world problems. In the performance task, students are presented with a collection of questions and activities connected to a single theme or scenario. These activities ask students to demonstrate capacities such as depth of understanding, writing and research skills, and complex analysis, which cannot be adequately assessed with traditional assessment questions. Performance tasks are taken on a computer (but are not computer adaptive) and take students one to two class periods to complete.

Performance Task

The prompt is the text provided to the student that requests their response. It includes some contextual information, but also includes a specific task that students complete in their writing response.

Prompt

For a deeper dive into the content behind this student response, navigate to the Sample Items Website to access the writing prompt or visit the Content Explorer to learn more about this content area.

Prompt & Target

“Purpose” is the context for a piece of writing, or what the writer intends to accomplish. Students write texts with the following purposes:
<ul>
<li>Narrative (grades 3–8): tell a story</li>
<li>Informational (grades 3–5): present facts or data using source material</li>
<li>Explanatory (grades 6–11): explain a topic or concept by analyzing source materials</li>
<li>Opinion (grades 3–5): present and defend a position</li>
<li>Argumentative (grades 6–11): present an argument using research to form and support claims</li>
</ul>
Purposes have subtle differences depending on grade, and each writing purpose has its own scoring rubric.

Purpose

This text was written by a student in response to a Performance Task writing prompt.

Response

A rubric is a set framework for scorers to reference when determining the quality of student writing. Each trait has its own rubric, and every point value is defined in detail with examples of what to expect from student writing at each level.

Rubric

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Sample Term One

Sample Term Two

Traits are different dimensions of a student response that educators evaluate when scoring. For example, an educator will assess grammar and spelling as part of the Conventions trait (maximum of two score points) but not take grammar or spelling into account when assessing the other traits. This approach ensures that scorers evaluate student writing from multiple angles.

Example for Grade 6: Narrative – Robots - ID: 4175

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