Grade 6

Narrative

Writing Extended Response

Compose Full Texts

Robots

Conventions

Development/Elaboration

Organization/Purpose

There is a single run-on sentence (a comma splice in paragraph 4: &#8220;He was too fast, I couldn’t catch him&#8221;).

There are numerous punctuation errors, primarily with commas. There are many unnecessary commas including after “talk” in sentence 5 of the first paragraph and two unnecessary commas in paragraph 4: after &#8220;mom&#8221; and &#8220;intently&#8221;.  There are missing commas with introductory elements (&#8220;So after dad got home we ate…&#8221; and &#8220;…just as I said it he was out my door&#8221;) and/or compound constructions (&#8220;I rolled over and to my great surprise there was a robot…&#8221;). There are errors with punctuation marks placed outside quotation marks (&#8220;Hello&#8221;, instead of &#8220;Hello,&#8221;) and an error with an unnecessary period after a quote (&#8220;…him?&#8221;.&#8221;) Additionally, &#8220;nights&#8221; in the last sentence of the third paragraph should be &#8220;night’s&#8221; to show possession, but &#8220;cheerio’s&#8221; should not have an apostrophe.

There is a capitalization error (“cheerio’s”) in the second paragraph.

There are some errors with verbs including problems with verb tense shifts (and/or missing verbs) such as &#8220;I woke up. I look at the clock. It 7:00 a.m.&#8221; There is also a grammar usage error (“had went” should be “had gone”) in the fourth paragraph.

This response has a spelling error (“dissapointed”) in the third paragraph.

Overall, the events, characters, and setting are well-developed and effectively show the events and experience.

There are few, if any, references to information in the source materials: wanting a “real robot who does real robot things” and having the robot talk, dance, sing, and play games are extremely general references.

Narrative techniques effectively elaborate the story details. Characters are revealed through dialogue (&#8220;&#8216;Happy Birthday honey!&#8217; said mom. &#8216;Happy Birthday squirt.&#8217; said dad. And baby Jane tried to muster out a &#8216;Haffy Birfday!'&#8221;), and descriptions of the narrator’s thoughts show his personality as well (&#8220;It had a picture of a robot on it. That made me even more sad, knowing my robot would never be real. But it was my birthday! I had to be happy with the other things I got&#8221;).

Concrete words/phrases (&#8220;muster,&#8221; &#8220;listened intently&#8221;) enhance the narrative. There is some general sensory language (&#8220;woke up groggy and tired&#8221;; &#8220;very needed socks&#8221;) but little, if any, actual figurative language (&#8220;I am your birthday wish come true!&#8221;). Overall, the language is effective enough to support a score of 4 for this category.

The style is lively and promotes the mysterious tone of the narrative (&#8220;Somewhere very special, Henry. Somewhere very, very special&#8221;).

The plot is cohesive: there is an evident conflict (the narrator wants a robot and is always disappointed when he doesn’t get one) and resolution. Although the reader never learns how Risto-Bot got there, this uncertainty doesn’t diminish the overall sense of unity, creating instead a sense of mystery.

The narrator’s personality is well-established through his thoughts (&#8220;That day at school everyone wished me happy birthday! I couldn&#8217;t wait to get home and open my presents! Maybe this year I would get a real robot!&#8221;), and the family is revealed through their dialogue (&#8220;&#8216;Happy Birthday honey!&#8217; said mom. &#8216;Happy Birthday squirt.&#8217; said dad. And baby Jane tried to muster out a &#8216;Haffy Birfday!'&#8221;). The setting is similarly well-established (&#8220;My mom is making me breakfast of eggs and toast, and my dad is reading the paper. My baby sister is eating her cheerio&#8217;s&#8221;).

There is an over-reliance on the simplistic transition “then” in paragraph 2, and there is some abruptness, although that could be an attempt to establish a quick pace (&#8220;I woke up. I look at the clock. It 7:00 a.m. and it&#8217;s my birthday! I jump out of bed and run downstairs&#8221;). But overall, the transitions are adequate (&#8220;When I was finished…&#8221;; &#8220;So after dad got home…&#8221;).

The chronological sequence is appropriate for the events, which take place over two days, and the events are logically connected, leaving the reader with few questions. There are minor gaps (e.g., if the robot was “poking” the narrator, how did it suddenly appear in the middle of the room drawing with markers?), but they don’t interfere with the overall strong sense of unity.

The beginning paragraph nicely sets up the narrator’s excitement, with the final line of the first paragraph (&#8220;&#8230;that all changed on one special morning&#8221;) successfully hooking the reader. The second paragraph nicely sets up the setting. The ending is [6th grade] effective, again playing up the mystery of the inexplicable.

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An annotation is the educator’s explanation of how a portion of the student’s response relates to the rubric and contributes to that trait’s score. For example, the educator might explain how the response meets the expectations of a specific score point. An annotation can also describe aspects of a student response that relate to multiple score points on the rubric to demonstrate nuance when determining a score.

Annotation

One of three traits scored for the ELA performance task full write, this trait measures a student’s ability to demonstrate command of grade-level conventions of standard English: grammar usage (including sentence formation), capitalization, punctuation, and spelling.

This trait measures students’ ability to select and integrate details that support, explain, illustrate, or develop ideas. Students should elaborate these details—that is, explain and connect them, guided by the writing purpose and audience needs.
For informative/explanatory and opinion/argumentative writing purposes, these details come from source materials.
For narrative writing, this trait is called Development/Elaboration, and students are expected to integrate and develop grade-appropriate story elements such as descriptive details and dialogue. For these tasks, events and experiences are inspired by source materials.

Evidence/Elaboration

This trait measures students’ ability to establish and sustain a focus for the writing. This focus should be consistent with the task’s designated purpose and the intended audience. Strong introductions and conclusions (or, for narrative writing, beginnings and endings) and transitions help to create coherence.

Performance tasks measure a student’s ability to demonstrate critical-thinking and problem-solving skills by challenging students to apply their knowledge and skills to complex, real-world problems. In the performance task, students are presented with a collection of questions and activities connected to a single theme or scenario. These activities ask students to demonstrate capacities such as depth of understanding, writing and research skills, and complex analysis, which cannot be adequately assessed with traditional assessment questions. Performance tasks are taken on a computer (but are not computer adaptive) and take students one to two class periods to complete.

Performance Task

The prompt is the text provided to the student that requests their response. It includes some contextual information, but also includes a specific task that students complete in their writing response.

Prompt

For a deeper dive into the content behind this student response, navigate to the Sample Items Website to access the writing prompt or visit the Content Explorer to learn more about this content area.

Prompt & Target

“Purpose” is the context for a piece of writing, or what the writer intends to accomplish. Students write texts with the following purposes:
<ul>
<li>Narrative (grades 3–8): tell a story</li>
<li>Informational (grades 3–5): present facts or data using source material</li>
<li>Explanatory (grades 6–11): explain a topic or concept by analyzing source materials</li>
<li>Opinion (grades 3–5): present and defend a position</li>
<li>Argumentative (grades 6–11): present an argument using research to form and support claims</li>
</ul>
Purposes have subtle differences depending on grade, and each writing purpose has its own scoring rubric.

Purpose

This text was written by a student in response to a Performance Task writing prompt.

Response

A rubric is a set framework for scorers to reference when determining the quality of student writing. Each trait has its own rubric, and every point value is defined in detail with examples of what to expect from student writing at each level.

Rubric

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Sample Term One

Sample Term Two

Traits are different dimensions of a student response that educators evaluate when scoring. For example, an educator will assess grammar and spelling as part of the Conventions trait (maximum of two score points) but not take grammar or spelling into account when assessing the other traits. This approach ensures that scorers evaluate student writing from multiple angles.

Example for Grade 6: Narrative – Robots - ID: 4148

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